I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
