Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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