dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
another moral hangover. fuck.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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