there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
