well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
