just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
