Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
