my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
