Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
