Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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