i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
