I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize