So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
