So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
