I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize