sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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