my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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