Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
