What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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