My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
