I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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