Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish you could order shots online.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
