I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
