I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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