It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
