you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
