Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
