First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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