apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
