I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
