I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize