I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
