it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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