I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
the liver wants what the liver wants
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
