My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
