another moral hangover. fuck.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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