she was so not down for the gang bang
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
