It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
