You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
