trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
