If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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