I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize