Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
