What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
