I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
