and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize