Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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