:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
