No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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