I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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