: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
