those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize