So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
