I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize