True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
