So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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