looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
