you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
