I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
