I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
