Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
