Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'd cum for enchiladas.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize