He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
