Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
