so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If I die, sorry about rent.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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