walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
